Abbot Pharmaceutical’s Weight Lost Program: Beetle Larva

Abbot recalls baby formula tainted with beetle parts

When I was little Sam, I remember my baby of a sister running all over the house, crying her big eyes out. I, of course, sat back laughing.

“Sam!” I heard my mom shout. “Give your sister back her bottle!”

As was my big brother right, I used to hide my sister’s bottle all over the house, because, quite honestly, cruelty towards siblings- especially hungry siblings- is the best form of entertainment. My mom was never too amused by this, of course, and her death stare would force me to revel the bottle’s hidden location.

Little did mother know, though, that I was simply saving her daughter from drinking beetle parts.

The pharmaceutical company, Abbott, is recalling its baby formula because it’s tainted with such tasty treats as beetle larva. Here’s how an article from The Epoch Times details the situation:

“Abbott is recalling these products following an internal quality review, which detected the remote possibility of the presence of a small common beetle in the product produced in one production area in a single manufacturing facility,” the company stated.

The Food and Drug Administration said that the beetles don’t pose a significant health risk to infants, but there is a possibility that babies who consume the beetle-tainted formula could experience “symptoms of gastrointestinal discomfort and refusal to eat as a result of small insect parts irritating the GI tract.”

I feel bad for any baby that may be feeling these side effects. I also feel bad for the parents of these babies. Gastrointestinal discomfort? Oh, how sleepless parents must be cursing Abbott and beetles everywhere in the early mornings. But, I say, let’s use this discovery to our advantage. The babies are refusing to eat after swallowing beetle parts? Bad. My baby sister once ate an entire bubble gum hot dog. Babies aren’t that picky.

So, let’s take the power of beetle parts, and use it to help fight obesity in this country. Maybe this has been Abbot’s plan all along, and babies were just first stage. It’s so simple! Skipping carbohydrates? Working out? Drinking water instead of soda? Fruit?! We’ve been going about it all wrong! We should have been tainting the food of the obese with beetle parts this whole time!

Beetle Larva. Hungry now? Didn't think so. Score one for Abbot!

So, watch out Jillian Michaels of the Biggest Loser! If Abbott has its way, you’ll have the embarrassing privilege to state that you lost your job to beetle larva. And with millions of people in this country laid off and unemployed because of the economy, that would still be a first.

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